Monday, October 31, 2011

In the beginning...

People always ask me if i knew Nygel was disabled when we met, which i find to be a curious question. I guess that people are trying to figure out if he got in some horrible accident or massive disease progression and i just stuck it out with him because i already loved him, or if i actually thought 'yeah sure i'll go on a date with the dude in the wheelchair'. The answer is yes i did know, if you were wondering, and the whole experience of being in a relationship with someone with physical limitations has really been a mind-soul-heart expanding experience. I'm no saint though, truth be told i tried to break it off with Nygel. After a few really great dates the reality of life (and that fact that i was developing feelings) hit me and suddenly the prospect of dealing with my own health issues and his physical limitations became so overwhelming that the sheer thought of doing his laundry put me over the limit and sent me freaking out that it would never work! Thankfully, Nygel is the equivalent of a high stakes hostage negotiator who helped me remember to breathe and to agree to at least give it a chance. 

Almost 2 years later we are married and i know i am the luckiest girl around. It's still interesting though to see how people respond to our situation. On Halloween someone referred to Nygel as my brother, 'or my husband' i corrected him as he stared at me drunk or confused-- i'm really not sure. A boss of mine said "ohhhhhh that's so nice you like help him and take care of him and stuff" (maybe she was confused and thought i was his nurse not his girlfriend?). And my personal faviorte is a girlfriend who's only question was "does his dick work?", 'yes', "oh ok, well that's cool then, as long as you're happy". Thankfully, not everyone is a moron and some people can see past the wheel chair to the person and the realtionship. I hope that this site will serve as a way for me to meet more open minded and open hearted people and to keep on getting out and about to experience all that we can.

We love to travel and it's shocking how limited (or useless) the information is out there for travelers or people just living life with disability. One site had an accessibility rating for locations, great! Except it was either "cripple friendly" or "not cripple friendly". Really??? One thing that we definitely want to use some of this space for is to share information about places we go and the accessibility of them. Maybe it will help someone, maybe it will just be a great way to jog our memories the next time we go (i think i have early onset Alzheimer's!!), ultimately it will just be fun to share all these memories.

Realistically, I'm not sure what the purpose of this space is but i guess i just want a place where i can express my self as an able bodied spouse. Ultimately, of course i hope it will connect myself with other people and allow us to share experiences, information, and some of the great and not so great stuff that comes with living in a world full of stairs and stares, if you know what i mean.


  1. Thank you both for sharing! For what its worth when it comes to travel, and we know the challenges of living with a wheelchair for a couple decades, a guy in Canada recently launched a site that interfaces Google Maps with accessible travel reviews. Just launched last month so it's still growing but looks promising.

    Welcome to caregiving blogging.

    Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

  2. HI Patrick!
    Thanks for your comment. I was not aware of Rick's site and what a brilliant idea! I really hope his site takes off because that would be a huge resource. Take care and hope to hear from you again sometime :)